Re-Lease

‎"Let go of what is holding you back. Create space for what is coming."

Sometimes life is just uncomfortable or rather sometimes I'm just uncomfortable with life.  I say this because last month presented me with a lot of change. A lot of unexpected change.  As much as I like taking risks I have to admit, change and I have often had our rubs, especially when I'm caught off guard by it and  when I didn't even know one was necessary.  Just when I find my self settling in something changes.  But what is that? What about me wants to 'settle in'?  Settle into what exactly??   Settling feels as if I'm choosing what's comfortable and wanting to remain there simply because I'm afraid of????? being uncomfortable??? pain??? loss??? Where is this notion though that change instantly means discomfort... where has my mind attached to the belief that change is uncomfortable and has to include pain???  What about the fact that change brings newness, it provides an opportunity for new life, for something to be birthed.  Change allows for growth, and growth and evolving is something I deeply value.  The process of it might at times feel daunting, but what if the actual change wasn't approached with fear or resistance, but rather with an opening for what's to come.  What if it's Approached with an embracing instead of a fearing??

I've learned in life that resistance is where the gold of our being remains hidden.... waiting for a release.  I've learned to ask the questions when resistance arises and to see what is in my heart, and what my soul is truly searching for.   What is it about letting go that causes me to want to cling more?? So what is this resistance to change???  It's fear.  And what I know of fear.. is that it keeps me from discovering what my heart is wanting to evolve into.  It's my attachments to the external defining me and providing me with a sense of security.  And yet all it really is.. is an illusion of security.

You see it is these questions not the answer that allows for revealing, that provides the opening.  So if I look and feel the questions.... change is happening and that change is allowing acceptance and an opening for more.

I might resist and fight that change, but ultimately I know I want that more... more of me, more of what's possible, and more of life.  I know that this involves facing what I fear... and allowing the re-lease to come without controlling or attaching to the outcome.  

So what did I do... I entered in.  I entered into a series of releases and letting go's.  Oh if only there were a formula - ha! I wouldn't like that though.  Truth is I like the mystery and I like the unknown, filled with all it's beauty and wonder.  It's the courage to venture into the unknown and allow what needs to unfold to simply unfold.

I danced with release this last month and in this last month I know space is being made within me, within my being, within my soul for something new.

The release for me took on the form of letting go of those in my life that have moved on from this world. My brother, who died over 28 years ago and my father who passed away two years ago.  It's not that there is necessarily a daily clinging to them, but what I know is that I found myself fearing being left, being abandoned, being alone, being unseen.  I know myself enough as well as patterns to know that these wounds rest in the initial pain of loss.  So I wanted to honor the gifts that were given to me in this loss and allow for a moving not on but into.....  into what I don't know... but that's the beauty... it's into something... something that allows for more... more love. 


The beginning of this release started with my sister and I's journey back to the east coast by releasing our dad's ashes.  We had a beautiful ceremony out here at a beach in California and 3, 000 miles later we released the remaining ashes on the East Coast.  To put it simply it was beautiful. The release was of his ashes but that release was filled with an integration of who our dad was and who he is to us today.  It was remembering as well as living in it with him on this day. 

 While I was home there was more releasing for me to do... I felt it was time to honor the loss of my brother--- who to me as a child was also 'my baby'...  and so that is exactly what I did.  I had a ceremony and allowed the gift of his life to emerge clearer in my soul.  My words can't do justice to the experience, but maybe the pictures will allow for more of the feelings to be shared.

This re-lease I entered into is more a release of the story I attached to of pain and suffering involved with love.  What I found in this release was compassion and acceptance for what was and what is knowing that love still remains. What is there for you to release to allow for more to be birthed in you???  What opening is there waiting to be seen by you??